Forgiveness
by PurryCat
Summary: Very short one-shot that takes place later that night after we left Donna and Harvey off at the end of 9.08. What really tortures him and keeps him up that night?


**AN:** Guys! Here I sit with the plan to write the second and final chapter for "Smitten" because your responses blew me away, but this freaking story crept into my brain, so I had to write it in order to focus back on Smitten. Anyway, I hope you like it. From all the fics I read since last week I never saw this angle.

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Donna woke up in the middle of the night, and found the spot next to her to be empty. She got up, afraid he was having another scotch to calm his nerves. As she got up and shuffled across the cool floor, she noticed the terrace door was slid open. It surprised her to find him on the terrace with a glass of milk in his hand.

"What's the matter?" she asked him softly as she approached him from behind.

"I can't put my mind to rest," Harvey replied slowly and quietly. He didn't turn around though.

"I don't know what it's like to lose a parent, and it kills me to see you go through this for the second time. But you need to get some sleep, Harvey."

"I know. It's just..."

"What is it, sweetheart?" she asked and wrapped her arms around his chest from behind.

"It's not even about her being gone," he said and finally took his eyes off the Manhattan skyline to turn around and face Donna. "I can't say I've made peace with it, but I know I will."

"OK. Just tell me what you need to help you get through this."

"You being here helps. Being able to hug you helps," he says, thinking back to that awful day many years ago when Donna had told him about his dad having died, and he didn't want to hug her because he wasn't sure if it was against the rule. He also didn't want to have a breakdown in front of anybody, much less her. But boy, did he want her to comfort him back then.

She hugged him tightly again. "You wanna come back to bed?"

"In a minute. I just want to tell you why I'm out here."

Donna looked at him expectantly.

"I've reconciled with my mother. We were good, you know. And I'm happy about that, even though I wish we could have spent more time together."

Harvey fell silent then and couldn't look her in the eyes anymore. Donna took his hands, and waited for him to continue.

"What really kills me is that I never introduced the two of you properly," he said. He sounded hurt.

"Harvey..."

"No, it's true. I know you guys talked on the phone a couple times, and I know she loved you without having seen you. It's just that with all that time I wasted both with you and her, I will never be able to forgive myself that I introduced her to Paula, but she never met you."

Donna released a breath through her nose. Harvey rarely mentioned Paula. Strike that. He _never_ mentioned her. And learning now about her having met Lily hurt Donna deeply. She knew that they had to have the big talk someday when the honeymoon phase was over. She wasn't keen on talking about Paula, and this only reinforced her own insecurities on the matter. Harvey had been in deeper with his former therapist than she realized.

"Say something," he asked her with knitted brows.

"I don't know what to say," Donna replied. She tried her hardest not to sound cold or distant. She was going for neutral, not letting her hurt feelings show for his sake.

"I'm so sorry," he said as he stepped aside to put the half empty glass of milk on the small outdoor table.

Donna watched him closely as he reapproached her. He looked into her sad eyes and knew he could never make it up to her. Harvey all but flung his arms around her neck, a quiet sob escaping his throat as he pressed his face to the juncture between her neck and shoulder. She wrapped her arms around his back and rubbed circles on the soft cotton of his t-shirt. She felt his tears on her skin, and had to fight not to burst into tears herself.

"I love you so much, Donna," he told her with a weak and shaky voice.

"I know," she nodded and continued to rub his back to soothe him.

"I don't deserve you."

"That's not true. I love you, too. You made up with your mom, and that's all that matters. I'm incredibly proud of you for that, you know?"

"I owe it to you. Can you forgive me?" he asked her as he leaned back to look into her eyes.

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"I can if you can."

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_Thanks so much for reading. Leave me a review if you will. _

**PurryCat will return**


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